An Even Longer Time Ago...

A slightly longer time ago in a galaxy that's still far, far away...

Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic republic. Unfortunately, it has also engulfed the Star Wars films in the form of a menacing new evil - the prequels.

The GALACTIC EMPEROR George Lucas, in a desperate bid to make more money from what was the greatest sci-fi film series of all time, has decided to revisit the series and bring us the story of the dark lord Darth Vader's rise to power and fall to the Dark Side. While this shocking move may add a whole new level of depth to the Sith Lord, Emperor Lucas has delivered it in a style that is sure to disappoint fans of the originals everywhere.

With this first chapter in the new saga, we meet Anakin Skywalker - the soon-to-be Vader - as a child on the planet of Tatooine. Unfortunately, we also meet Jarjar Binks, an irritating CGI alien with the terrifying power to take away credibility from all who surround him. Even Liam Neeson. The situation worsens as we also meet Natalie Portman as Padmé Amidala, yet we fail to meet a single sign of her acting talent.

A plot revolving heavily around taxes in space, rather than focussing on the story of young Skywalker, does little to help to the already desperate situation - what little we are given of Skywalker's story seems rushed and shoe-horned in. The Jedi Council's prophecy of a Chosen One remains cloaked in mystery, as Emperor Lucas entirely fails to explain what it means.

But all is not lost and the film still has its redeeming features. The two Jedi Knights, Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor (Qui Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi respectively), do a fantastic job here, their abundance of talent coming to the daring rescue of the general lack of talent elsewhere in this film. The red-and-black faced, horn-headed, Sith apprentice Darth Maul is also a welcome feature, providing a savage, menacing and stony-faced villain to our excellent heroes. The appearance of familiar characters R2-D2, C3PO and Jabba the Hutt, also promise to offer some salvation to despairing fans.

Following this film, you would be forgiven for wanting two Jedi Knights secretly dispatched to remove Emperor Lucas, but fear not! While this film is truly the Dark Side of the Star Wars franchise, it's all up-hill from here. Episode III actually turns out to be quite good...